So a slap on the wrist and twenty low-fat bagels for me: last night I followed an enticing web ad ‘exposing’ acai berry diets, literally the first ad I’ve clicked on in years.

Suffice to say, the word ‘exposing’ must have changed since I were a wee lad, as it now seems to mean “wow yes acai berries are incredible buy them as a blend in pill form and by the way use our promo code”.

Luckily, great amusement can be had — and thus the equilibrium of the world restored — from the terms and conditions at the bottom of the page.

Awards are needed.

The runner-up prize, which I will designate the Legalese In A Can Award, goes to this poorly proofread paragraph:

“If you are dissatisfied with any product you have purchased, you may contact the Seller at [provide Seller’s address, phone number, and email link]. If you submit a complaint regarding the Seller to us, you agree that our sole responsibility to you is to forward your complaint to the Seller. result achieved by a single user.”

No, the square brackets are not mine, they were in the text, but luckily that was the only mistake in the paragraph. result achieved by a single user.

First prize, however, goes to this peach:

“It is important to note that this site and the comments/answers depicted above is to be used as an illustrative example of what some individuals have achieved with this/these products. This website, and any page on the website, is based loosely off a true story, but has been modified in multiple ways including, but not limited to: the story, the photos, and the comments.”

So, and let me see if I understand this correctly, we started with a true story, then based a story loosely on it, and then we modified it in multiple ways. It now resembles a sausage.

Terms and conditions are the secret sauce spicing up our otherwise dull and non-sauced lives.