Another idea that came to mind on the walk home. Don’t ever buy a jigsaw puzzle like this.
The Worst Jigsaw Puzzle in the World 
May 20th, 2010
Apple announces new digital camera?
May 20th, 2010
I thought of this idea walking up the hill to get home, and it took approximately seven minutes to Photoshop. I gotta do more stuff like this, it makes me chuckle and my heart sing.
(Original digital camera picture © iStockPhoto / jsemeniuk. Legal stuff: in case it has to be said, this is not an Apple camera, it’s just for fun. Sigh.)
Five flawed reasons for hating Apple
May 20th, 2010
(Yes, I appear to be in a combative mood again.)
5. Making bizarre leaps of logic when assessing Apple’s motives.
“The iPhone is a closed platform, and Apple sometimes seems inconsistent in how they approve apps for the store, therefore OMG IT’S 1984 ALL OVER AGAIN EVIL DICTATORSHIP I’M MOVING TO NORTH KOREA WHICH IS FREE IN COMPARISON WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN.”
4. Mistaking hatred of your job for hatred of fun in Apple products.
“Stupid genie animations don’t help me write the quarterly ROI report on bulk-buying staples for the 4th floor cubicles. Some of us have valuable work to do.”
3. Believing that if an Apple product doesn’t support something you want then it’s completely useless.
“iPad as laptop replacement? Yeah, right, in the store I tried hooking it up to my RKV-8DZ camcorder to do some Final Cut Studio editing and oh wait that’s right THERE’S NO FIREWIRE PORT. Why would anyone buy one?”
2. Trying to apply logic to emotion.
“Why does Apple get so much press? GenPlusPC Research shows they only have 3.9% marketshare across a midrange of pro-level consumers, yet they achieved a year-on-year increase of 26.4% in national press column inches! And now I’ve spent thirty seconds talking about them, which isn’t reflective of how much I like the products. Oh god, I’m stuck in an Apple loop. And now I’m talking about being stuck in an Apple loop. Help me.”
1. Taking marketing messages too literally.
“You think the iPad is revolutionary? Uh, hello, it has a battery, a technology that’s been around for over two hundred years. And magical? Waved it around in the kitchen, dishes still not done. Fail, waiting for revision two.”
Bucking the trend
May 17th, 2010
I’m not a great fan of trite one-line insights and witticisms about life.
They only have relevance when they’re ready to have relevance. They seem to mean more to the person giving them than to anyone reading them. And you can pass over any one of them with an indignant ‘pfuh’, only to return to it years later and treat it like one of the ten commandments.
That said, Master Merlin Mann gave me a great one in this article:
“Spend less time fantasizing about ’success’ and way more time making really cool mistakes.”
I know, it’s been said in other ways before. But I really like Merlin’s work, and I really like this. A lot.
Those rascals are at it again
May 17th, 2010
Does the BBC even proofread their stories? Geez, guys. Does the BBC even proofread their stories?
EDIT: Twelve hours later and it’s still there, so it’s not like it was an upload error or anything. It’s as if no one actually looked at the page. Pushes my buttons!
Better, beautiful browsing
May 15th, 2010
Why are web browsers so butt ugly?
Here’s part of my History menu in Safari:
It’s like someone sneezed page title snot all over the damn place. I reserve seven kinds of hatred for when I have to use this menu.
Here’s how I’d like to look at my browsing history (click for large version):
I had a look through some of the popular browsers to see how close they get to my ideal. Some of them have some of these features. None of them avoids looking like it got dragged through a bush backwards.
At least Firefox’s bookmarks window lets you play Mario:
Though I might be wrong there.
Peas In Our Thyme
May 14th, 2010
Yes, I know Chamberlain actually said peace for our time, not peace in our time, but the misquote makes the whole joke work. No, I don’t know why I spent four hours making this.
It still makes me giggle though, that’s got to be a good sign.
Terms and Conditions and Hilarity
May 13th, 2010
So a slap on the wrist and twenty low-fat bagels for me: last night I followed an enticing web ad ‘exposing’ acai berry diets, literally the first ad I’ve clicked on in years.
Suffice to say, the word ‘exposing’ must have changed since I were a wee lad, as it now seems to mean “wow yes acai berries are incredible buy them as a blend in pill form and by the way use our promo code”.
Luckily, great amusement can be had — and thus the equilibrium of the world restored — from the terms and conditions at the bottom of the page.
Awards are needed.
The runner-up prize, which I will designate the Legalese In A Can Award, goes to this poorly proofread paragraph:
“If you are dissatisfied with any product you have purchased, you may contact the Seller at [provide Seller’s address, phone number, and email link]. If you submit a complaint regarding the Seller to us, you agree that our sole responsibility to you is to forward your complaint to the Seller. result achieved by a single user.”
No, the square brackets are not mine, they were in the text, but luckily that was the only mistake in the paragraph. result achieved by a single user.
First prize, however, goes to this peach:
“It is important to note that this site and the comments/answers depicted above is to be used as an illustrative example of what some individuals have achieved with this/these products. This website, and any page on the website, is based loosely off a true story, but has been modified in multiple ways including, but not limited to: the story, the photos, and the comments.”
So, and let me see if I understand this correctly, we started with a true story, then based a story loosely on it, and then we modified it in multiple ways. It now resembles a sausage.
Terms and conditions are the secret sauce spicing up our otherwise dull and non-sauced lives.
How to make your mobile interface look great
May 11th, 2010
1. Review the ‘release candidate’ Windows Phone 7 screenshots on Paul Thurrott’s SuperSite.
2. Make sure your interface looks nothing like those screenshots.
I mean, honestly:
Ouch.
This media tactic annoys me (and will annoy you too)
May 11th, 2010
In recent years there has been a sharp increase in media sources explicitly telling me how to feel. And I’m not happy.
It’s a classic marketing technique to assert how you want someone to respond: “You’ll love how we do this”, “You’ll wonder how you did without this”, and so forth.
However, it’s now (a) more common, (b) more outrageous in its arrogance, and (c) more in my world.
Here are some technology examples from people and sites I otherwise really enjoy:
- TWiT network: “Netcasts you love, from people you trust.” (I regularly listen to TWiT and MacBreak Weekly and love the shows, but this opening salvo grates every time.)
- The Conversation: “A live talkshow hosted by your Internet pal, Dan Benjamin.” (Dan does really great podcasts, but he’s not my ‘pal’. Yet.)
- Mac Rumors: “Apple Mac Rumors and News You Care About.” (If you don’t mind, I’ll decide what I care about, so ditch the presumptions and stick to your good rumour sourcing.)
And then there’s the rise of the “and you should too” headline. Latest offender: Roger Ebert’s latest article in Newsweek, “Why I hate 3-D (and You Should Too)”. Ebert’s too good to pull this stunt.
Are readers and listeners presumed to be bereft of independent thought that they can’t make these judgements on their own? Is this trend being lamely shepherded in under the guise of a little ‘helping hand’ on how to respond in our media-saturated world? It’s disrespectful at best, insulting at worst.
So, how about it guys: let people draw their own conclusions, without resorting to cheap assertions which are arrogant and downright creepy.
I hate this tactic — and you should too.