There are many confusing terms to get used to with Macs. To that end, I’ve provided a quick reference guide to help navigate the choppy waters.

Finder

Like Findim, except for a woman.

Safari

An extensive journey, traditionally for hunting, such as when hunting the liquor store’s opening hours.

MacBook Pro

The adult version of the MacBook n00b, notable by its construction from a composite metal rather than styrofoam.

Snow Leopard

When you can’t find the disks to install Mac OS X 10.5. Example usage: “There’s snow leopard disks in the box honey, where did you put them?”

iTunes

The selfish version of teamTunes.

AirPort

Where PlaNes take off from.

Time Machine

A request to record the movement duration of a wind-up, miniature China toy placed on the sidewalk of the Champs-Élysées in Paris. Example usage: “Excuse me, could you time ma Chine?”

Exposé

A thorough investigation into just how many crappy windows you’ve managed to open.

Things must be good. Even my cheese grater is smiling.

Why are web browsers so butt ugly?

Here’s part of my History menu in Safari:

It’s like someone sneezed page title snot all over the damn place. I reserve seven kinds of hatred for when I have to use this menu.

Here’s how I’d like to look at my browsing history (click for large version):

I had a look through some of the popular browsers to see how close they get to my ideal. Some of them have some of these features. None of them avoids looking like it got dragged through a bush backwards.

At least Firefox’s bookmarks window lets you play Mario:

Though I might be wrong there.

Some people may not understand why the ‘Found’ next generation iPhone is such a big deal. It’s just a phone, right?

The story has dominated technology headlines for days now, and shows no signs of letting up. There are now criminal investigations, with notable bodies like the EFF weighing in on the legalities.

Check out that first link for the background. Then, here’s a summary why the story is important to me, and why it’s important to others too.

I like that Apple invests in creating highly usable, revolutionary products, and to an extent I like that they do it whilst saying “to hell with the critics, we’re doing it this way.” Quite often they make computing fun and exciting, and the only other companies achieving that make things like Master Chief and Mario.

Gizmodo, the company that allegedly purchased the iPhone in question for $5,000 and then ran several stories on it, took an approach to their scoop that irked me from the start.

It’s a little bit the chequebook journalism, which is not a value I care for. It’s a little bit the smug writing — smug not from a perspective of investing positive energy and creating something desirable (as Apple can be), but from revelling in revealing something they probably shouldn’t have, riding on the coattails of someone else’s endeavours. (I am aware of my partial double standards in reading and reprinting rumours from people who reveal upcoming Apple product details, but I digress.)

However, as many have said, what irks me the most is the way Gizmodo revealed the Apple engineer who lost the phone in the first place, someone who seemingly had zero desired involvement in this story. They published the engineer’s Facebook page, a transcript of a phone conversation with him, and other gruesome details.

As it’s reported, the engineer didn’t try to sell the phone. He didn’t try to leak secrets to a journalist. He was just doing his job — which apparently he loves, according to his dad — and made a mistake, becoming media fodder without any choice in the matter at all. My opinion is that his personal details and story were irrelevant and should not have been revealed, and from this stems most of my sadness and anger (together with, and I’ll be honest, a generous dollop of dislike for most mainstream media’s ethics and priorities).

So these reasons are mostly why the geek community are riled up. However, here are two more reasons for the story’s scale, though not ones that affect me.

First, the patented Apple ‘big product reveal’ of this new iPhone, likely to take place in June, has been partly spoilt by this scoop. In a sense, it takes some of the mystery and fun out of the product launch. Deflated party balloons all round; consequently, the dispirited partygoers demand retribution.

Second, and most importantly, Apple is big news, and Apple stories sell papers — or your online equivalent. They make exceptionally good products which confound and delight in equal measure, and have a stellar marketing department. They also achieve their vision through unwavering control of the experience, again to the delight and dismay of many — and I put myself in both camps. They punch above their weight when you consider market share, and they expertly dapple in the beautiful art of showmanship that’s absorbed buyers on street corners for centuries. People can’t help but be transfixed by the Reality Distortion Field and subsequently angered by their own reaction.

Groundbreaking and disruptive products, coupled with strong emotional responses to deftly presented reveals: boy does that make for great news, especially when, completely out of Apple’s staggeringly tight control, someone lets the cat out of the bag.

This story’s not over yet; parties are lawyering up, and there are many intriguing questions still to answer on journalism shield laws, the full details of how the iPhone was actually found, and whether Apple will start any civil proceedings.

So. Still confused why the iPhone story is big news?

Well, put it this way. Getting the pre-release iPhone like getting an Oompa Loompa from Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.

Facebook ad:

Wait… what? Where the hell is she? North America Land?

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Also, Alastair will laugh, but I’ve started using Twitter (@AlexMetcalf) for various musings, insights and fun. Come join in.